Oh, sucky day, sucky night. Feeling terrible about my Grandma, feeling as usual like I should go fix things, to try to make her well. Give up another week of my life and stay with her to see if she can get stronger before transferring her to assisted living. But emotionally I'm exhausted, I'm really not able to do that. I wonder if she'll live to summer. I was worried she was going to die this weekend before March was even over and that would have made it one death a month so far this year which would have made me totally terrified for April - who would be next? But she survived this bout. Where are her three retired children? Why is it just my poor dad and my cousin's wife who are having to struggle with this?
And now Dad could retire in just two weeks and somehow that terrifies me also - I just worry the sale of his truck will fall through, that something will happen before he finally gets the break he deserves. And it was gross much of the weekend and depressingly dark. When it finally got nice my out-of-shape husband went on a three hour bike ride on his own because he really wants to end up dead of a heart attack like his dad, or perhaps get hit by a car riding at dusk without headlights.
And then the f'ing cat peed on a tee-shirt I had on the bed and it soaked though the layers of blankets and I had to take off the coverlet and change all the blankets before trying unsuccessfully to sleep with this raging headache. Which is probably due to the large quantity of rum I ingested to try to forget about most of the stuff previously mentioned. Oh and let's not even mention the raging PMS and the cramps. Ugly, ugly night. Hopefully that doesn't translate to an ugly, ugly morning and day.
Monday, April 02, 2007
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1 comment:
It's so hard when you want to take care of everyone and everything and you realize that you are running on empty.
Hang in there, your slurps are here for you. We all take turns catching each other.
Love,
Shameless Agitator
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