The extroverting introvert who is taken at face value - as a true extrovert - is liable to end up in hot water. Whereas the introverting extrovert has only himself to deal with, the extroverting introvert often makes a tremendous impact on those who cross his path, but he might not want to be with them the next day. When his introversion reasserts itself, he may literally want nothing to do with other people.
Well, that certainly explains the J.M. campaign management thing! My shadow reared its ugly head at the Dem club meeting, making a huge impression. People actually thought I was an extrovert. And I tried to be a couple months. But I am a deep introvert - once rationality returned I looked around and thought "who the hell are these people? And what do they want with me?"
I've found that the times I push my shadow extrovert into the light and try to be that creature, ugly things happen socially, with unpleasant social stickiness afterwords. Extroversion is valued more in society, and was alway put up as an ideal (you want to be the class president, don't you?) in childhood. I've found that with Dem club stuff also, I try to push myself into extroversion and end up hating every moment of it.
I have never had a desire to be a leader - indeed as an extreme introvert I care very little what the rabble outside my small sphere of special friends do with their lives. Yet I fight that introversion because so much prestige is put on those who are seen as leaders. Yet the past month I have squirreled myself away in my introversion - shutting the door on the world and living in my imagination. And it has been a long time since I've been happier.
1 comment:
Your realization makes perfect sense to me. I often get myself in over my head, accepting jobs that are outside of my comfort zone. When it's all said and done, I go into cocoon mode until my batteries are recharged.
Well, except for something I found out about myself recently. I like the battles. I may say I hate them, but the are invigorating. I know I'm a bit twisted sometimes.
I'm glad you found a way to ground yourself, take care of yourself, and find happiness. This year has been way too heavy so far.
Love,
Shameless
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