Did 2,345 words today and this evening on Illuminators. I'd better go to bed early tonight and get on a more normal schedule for the trip next week. Wrote about 6,000 words Wednesday night, but not on anything that will ever be published.
The family vacation is coming: we leave Sunday. I am one part looking forward to it, one part dreading it. You just never know with family gatherings. Ten of us in one cabin down by the Smokey Mountain National Park. My hamstring still hasn't healed fully, so no long hikes for me. And we'll have two rugrats along (my nieces, age 9 & 5) so no huge hikes for any of us, really. Probably for the best. It's supposed to be in the 90s in Townsend, Tn where our cabin is - luckily the cabin is air conditioned. Hopefully it will be cooler in the mountains when we hike.
I am worried. Worried about fighting with siblings, getting my feelings hurt. Worried about ruining this wonderful streak of writing with stress and chaos and anger that lasts months after family confrontations. Maybe things will go well and there won't be any of that. I'm already a little irritated because we didn't get any choice in this vacation - not in the time, the location or in the year. I'd hoped to go somewhere special for our 10th anniversary - but this family vacation takes all the money and vacation time we have budgeted, so it'll have to wait until next year. And I've been to the Smokeys a million times - it would have been nice to go somewhere different for a change. I'm trying not to let all this bother me - just let it go so I can enjoy the time with the nieces. We'll see how that goes, right? At least we have our own car, so Brian and I can get away if we need to(if I need to, that is). Anyway, wish me luck - Tennessee here we come!
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Friday, May 23, 2008
step back
Need to take a step back from Illuminators and do some background work. I've got Tess' history down pat - but I don't have Balin's history and I don't have a good understanding of what exactly their mission is and what the backstory is that Tess is stepping into. I have character history on Cory, Garnet and Jared. But Balin is the most important and I don't have him down at all. Which is good for writing from Tess' POV, since she is trying to understand where she fits. But won't work much longer - which is why I seem stuck at the farm even though I have a lovely plot line to follow for Tess - I don't understand the forces that will push that plot line. Okay Balin, time to reveal your secrets to me!
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Finished my edits of Sand Sifters. Up to chapter 8 of Mr. Ipsis' edits. I think I really nailed the final two chapters and epilogue. I reread them and thought "damn, I wrote that?" I wanted to know what happened next. Urgh, guess I need to figure that out, don't I? And write it, of course. Whew, got a lot of books in my queue to write! The sequel and final to sandsifters. The Illuminators.
Illuminators is a very different book that Sand Sifters. It is an all-in-one epic fantasy - no trilogy, just stand alone. Things are developing much more slowly, more character driven then plot driven. I really have to get to know my character - someone who does scribe work is a very different creature than I ever could be. They have that nasty "P" word - patience. I'd planned on writing just on that tonight, but the Mr. finished editing another chapter so I edited Sand Sifters instead. Need to get back to my meeting scene between Tess and Cory - I have a feeling this will set hugely important things in motion for the rest of the novel.
Illuminators is a very different book that Sand Sifters. It is an all-in-one epic fantasy - no trilogy, just stand alone. Things are developing much more slowly, more character driven then plot driven. I really have to get to know my character - someone who does scribe work is a very different creature than I ever could be. They have that nasty "P" word - patience. I'd planned on writing just on that tonight, but the Mr. finished editing another chapter so I edited Sand Sifters instead. Need to get back to my meeting scene between Tess and Cory - I have a feeling this will set hugely important things in motion for the rest of the novel.
Monday, May 19, 2008
taking my measure
I find I'm comparing myself to other women quite a lot these days. I look at women in the Dem club with successful business and careers or who have retired from fascinating jobs - and I wonder what happened with me. Why have I not joined their ranks? I' m intelligent - how did I become a throw back to the 50s? Other women my age have the excellent excuse, and the amazing proof, of children as their success instead of businesses. In comparison, my messy house and husband seem a pale excuse for lack of success.
I can remember thinking about careers. Just a few months before I married, a client of the print shop I worked with told me she was retiring. She worked for the Waste District, in the recycling and programs division. I'd realized my boss, who was jealous of any woman young and pretty, would never let me be more than a desktop publisher and secretary. The Waste district job was actually a career -with advancement opportunities and a chance to grow. I really liked the Bolivar area, wanted to stay around there. But then Mr. Ips. proposed, and I liked him better. And I moved back to the city I swore four years before I'd never return to. Nothing against Columbus, I just don't like cities. As far as cities go, it is one of the easier ones to live around. And I really hate suburbs. Villages and small towns may have lots of small minds - but they do have minds and a heartbeat and a feel of their own. You lose all that in the white-bread of suburbia. Moving back, there were so many other people more talented, more qualified and more confident than myself for every job available. I was intimidated and frustrated and soon gave up, took a series of annoying small jobs until quitting to write (which, in those first years, I didn't do at all).
I do think though, that women who are successful at my age must have had an overall plan. For all my imaginary flights of fancy, I never could get a picture of myself in any career. Not in college, not even in high school. I could picture flying dragons - but a career? Never. I was a bit bewildered in college - oh sure, I adored it. I adored studying, writing papers, talking with professors. I chose English because I loved the professors and I knew it was something I could get an A in. No, I couldn't imagine what I'd do with it - but I couldn't imagine any other degree either. A serious depression my senior year derailed any confidence I'd gained as the professors' darling and I left college as bewildered about what I was going to do as I went in. Strange to say, if someone had encouraged me in hands-on jobs like woodworking and construction - I'd probably be a happy little craftswoman without a degree. But I think my own parents didn't have a clue what I could be (I felt like a nightingale in a crow's nest) and did not encourage my little scribblings.
I moaned to Mr. Ips tonight "why aren't I a successful woman with a good career?" and he answered "In a couple years, you could be," referring to the novel I'm editing. I'm on a career path without tangible signs of success. The milestones of a career - advancements, raises, promotions - don’t apply, or are unrewarded. I suppose I have been building, the past five years, a career. My milestones: first novel written; Second novel written, trilogy planned; third novel started, second novel in editing. Nothing to shout about, nothing that looks impressive. Just nibbles of success that look like a snail's pace to the outside eye.
I can remember thinking about careers. Just a few months before I married, a client of the print shop I worked with told me she was retiring. She worked for the Waste District, in the recycling and programs division. I'd realized my boss, who was jealous of any woman young and pretty, would never let me be more than a desktop publisher and secretary. The Waste district job was actually a career -with advancement opportunities and a chance to grow. I really liked the Bolivar area, wanted to stay around there. But then Mr. Ips. proposed, and I liked him better. And I moved back to the city I swore four years before I'd never return to. Nothing against Columbus, I just don't like cities. As far as cities go, it is one of the easier ones to live around. And I really hate suburbs. Villages and small towns may have lots of small minds - but they do have minds and a heartbeat and a feel of their own. You lose all that in the white-bread of suburbia. Moving back, there were so many other people more talented, more qualified and more confident than myself for every job available. I was intimidated and frustrated and soon gave up, took a series of annoying small jobs until quitting to write (which, in those first years, I didn't do at all).
I do think though, that women who are successful at my age must have had an overall plan. For all my imaginary flights of fancy, I never could get a picture of myself in any career. Not in college, not even in high school. I could picture flying dragons - but a career? Never. I was a bit bewildered in college - oh sure, I adored it. I adored studying, writing papers, talking with professors. I chose English because I loved the professors and I knew it was something I could get an A in. No, I couldn't imagine what I'd do with it - but I couldn't imagine any other degree either. A serious depression my senior year derailed any confidence I'd gained as the professors' darling and I left college as bewildered about what I was going to do as I went in. Strange to say, if someone had encouraged me in hands-on jobs like woodworking and construction - I'd probably be a happy little craftswoman without a degree. But I think my own parents didn't have a clue what I could be (I felt like a nightingale in a crow's nest) and did not encourage my little scribblings.
I moaned to Mr. Ips tonight "why aren't I a successful woman with a good career?" and he answered "In a couple years, you could be," referring to the novel I'm editing. I'm on a career path without tangible signs of success. The milestones of a career - advancements, raises, promotions - don’t apply, or are unrewarded. I suppose I have been building, the past five years, a career. My milestones: first novel written; Second novel written, trilogy planned; third novel started, second novel in editing. Nothing to shout about, nothing that looks impressive. Just nibbles of success that look like a snail's pace to the outside eye.
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Just 840 words on Illuminators tonight. Stuck on chapter 14 for Sandsifters editing - just not at all happy with the Kadar/Farrah/Ashraf storyline - which is bad as that will be my main one in the second book. To bed for me, as I have a very fun day planned tomorrow as Shadow is visiting and I am psyched to spend time with him!
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Good cheerleader, good
1,308 new writing on Illuminators. Finished editing chapter 9 and did 10 & 11 on Sandsifters.
Was very excited - I added a prologue to Sandsifters and rewrote Chapter One because the Mr. found it confusing and off-putting. I worked quite a bit on that prologue, writing and rewriting as well as chopping and rewriting the first chapter and finally had him read it. He was thrilled and said it was great writing and just what it needed. Even came downstairs to find me after he'd read it because he was so excited. I'd been worried since I'd rewritten it so many times I could no longer tell what was good and bad. Hopefully it will draw readers in and keep them involved. Things are progressing prodigiously. Please, oh please let this good spell last!
Was very excited - I added a prologue to Sandsifters and rewrote Chapter One because the Mr. found it confusing and off-putting. I worked quite a bit on that prologue, writing and rewriting as well as chopping and rewriting the first chapter and finally had him read it. He was thrilled and said it was great writing and just what it needed. Even came downstairs to find me after he'd read it because he was so excited. I'd been worried since I'd rewritten it so many times I could no longer tell what was good and bad. Hopefully it will draw readers in and keep them involved. Things are progressing prodigiously. Please, oh please let this good spell last!
Monday, May 12, 2008
Good night
Worked on simple edits for chapters 6, 7,8, and 9 - need to get the Mr.'s outside opinion on what else to change though. Also finished chapter 3 of Illuminators and started 750 words on chapter 4, all new writing. Got lots of great ideas for Illuminators - the plot has me excited and some twists later on should make excellent writing. I just have to get from here to there. How fun!
Mother's Day was good - My Mom came here because she wanted Minuteman pizza (and to get away, I think). I made a lemon meringue pie from scratch that was well received. Crazy weather with tornado sirens going off and pouring rain. But still nice having visitors here. Spent all day Saturday spring cleaning - went to a very late dinner at PF Changs at Easton. They have almost as good a hot and sour soup as Molly Wu's - yum! And the Mr. got two new computer games at the Apple store. So altogether a good Anniversary weekend that happened to be Mother's Day as well. And the house is scoured, so I can focus on writing and not on cleaning!
I've found Pete Kennedy's lovely acoustic guitar cd "Shearwater" is excellent to write to (not that the Kennedy's aren't usually excellent at anytime, but that is really good for writing). The Mr. has a gig next Saturday in Columbus at some bar - wish him luck!
Mother's Day was good - My Mom came here because she wanted Minuteman pizza (and to get away, I think). I made a lemon meringue pie from scratch that was well received. Crazy weather with tornado sirens going off and pouring rain. But still nice having visitors here. Spent all day Saturday spring cleaning - went to a very late dinner at PF Changs at Easton. They have almost as good a hot and sour soup as Molly Wu's - yum! And the Mr. got two new computer games at the Apple store. So altogether a good Anniversary weekend that happened to be Mother's Day as well. And the house is scoured, so I can focus on writing and not on cleaning!
I've found Pete Kennedy's lovely acoustic guitar cd "Shearwater" is excellent to write to (not that the Kennedy's aren't usually excellent at anytime, but that is really good for writing). The Mr. has a gig next Saturday in Columbus at some bar - wish him luck!
Saturday, May 10, 2008
A decade
Ten years ago tonight I was curled up with my new husband after a hectic and crazy wedding day and a great reception. I look at him now and wonder how we ever made it through those first crazy years. Oh the insane expectations newlywed's have of each other, the roles we thrust ourselves and our spouses into because they are what we saw all our lives.
Thank god for psychotherapy! Sure I was seeing my shrink for my depression, but he taught me how to change those unhealthy patterns and learn how to really talk about things with my husband. I sometimes laugh when I think of all the times I used to stew about things for months, letting them built to a bursting point before hitting Mr. Ipsis. full force with all the pent up rage. And he would simply slip into silence to punish me when he was angry. We still have our moments, but they are only moments and don't drag into months of misunderstandings anymore. I think we're just now hitting our stride. Here's to forty more years of marital misunderstandings and mischief!
Thank god for psychotherapy! Sure I was seeing my shrink for my depression, but he taught me how to change those unhealthy patterns and learn how to really talk about things with my husband. I sometimes laugh when I think of all the times I used to stew about things for months, letting them built to a bursting point before hitting Mr. Ipsis. full force with all the pent up rage. And he would simply slip into silence to punish me when he was angry. We still have our moments, but they are only moments and don't drag into months of misunderstandings anymore. I think we're just now hitting our stride. Here's to forty more years of marital misunderstandings and mischief!
Friday, May 09, 2008
All's well. . .
1,365 words on Illuminators. I kinda like when the Mr. gets behind on the reviewing, then I get to write on the new novel, which is much more fun.
The J.J. Dinner went shockingly well. We finally got two speakers about 9pm last night, then got the last bio for the program at 4pm today. Ran it off quickly and inserted it in the program and made the dinner on time. The food was okay, the MC was funny. The singer was a hoot and certainly had the right audience for his political songs. Candidates weren't too long winded (poor Dan Dodd is in the middle of the Dann scandal as he has been appointed to research impeachment laws, and he looked tired). And I really enjoyed the guest speakers - the farmland preservation guy kept getting off-topic but was funny about it and knew his stuff. The author kept it short and told tales of McCain he'd found from researching his book. I think it was the best dinner since Coleman spoke our first year. But then I found it refreshing to hear someone other than a career politician speak for once. And the rum I smuggled in relaxed things immensly.
It was a great social event for me: I got to speak to all the people I liked and none of the people I didn't. And I realized just how many people there I really, really enjoy talking to. I like these Democratic social functions. I forget that when I've volunteered too much and am burned out. And I looked freaking hot in my Johnnie Boden dress and Tibbs wasn't around to give me the creeps for looking hot. Mr. Ips sure liked it. I think Shameless was getting pretty tired of it all by the end, but the Mr. and I hung around and socialized a little longer. Yes, you heard that right - me socializing. It happens just once or twice a year, so don't blink or you'll miss it.
The J.J. Dinner went shockingly well. We finally got two speakers about 9pm last night, then got the last bio for the program at 4pm today. Ran it off quickly and inserted it in the program and made the dinner on time. The food was okay, the MC was funny. The singer was a hoot and certainly had the right audience for his political songs. Candidates weren't too long winded (poor Dan Dodd is in the middle of the Dann scandal as he has been appointed to research impeachment laws, and he looked tired). And I really enjoyed the guest speakers - the farmland preservation guy kept getting off-topic but was funny about it and knew his stuff. The author kept it short and told tales of McCain he'd found from researching his book. I think it was the best dinner since Coleman spoke our first year. But then I found it refreshing to hear someone other than a career politician speak for once. And the rum I smuggled in relaxed things immensly.
It was a great social event for me: I got to speak to all the people I liked and none of the people I didn't. And I realized just how many people there I really, really enjoy talking to. I like these Democratic social functions. I forget that when I've volunteered too much and am burned out. And I looked freaking hot in my Johnnie Boden dress and Tibbs wasn't around to give me the creeps for looking hot. Mr. Ips sure liked it. I think Shameless was getting pretty tired of it all by the end, but the Mr. and I hung around and socialized a little longer. Yes, you heard that right - me socializing. It happens just once or twice a year, so don't blink or you'll miss it.
Thursday, May 08, 2008
Chapter 5 edited
Mr. Ips. seemed to like this one - not nearly so many changes. But now I'm caught up to where he stopped.
Started writing on Illuminators again. I've been doing research on scribes and illuminated manuscripts and am fascinated with the way writing has changed through the years. The type of pen and the way we hold the pen and make strokes is completely different. Of course, pens were quills back then, that scribes cut themselves. They also made their own ink. Quill pens had to be held perpendicular to the page to get the best ink flow. So they held pens between the tip of their thumb and the top edge of the first two fingers, with the last two curled out of the way. The entire hand moved to make a stroke, rather than just the fingers. The hand never rested on the page, but hovered in midair. Which is why it is nearly impossible for us to reproduce exactly the scripts of medieval times. We no longer have developed the muscles to keep the hand steady and true. I attempted to learn modern calligraphy over the winter, but being a lefty provided more challenge than I wanted to overcome. Which made it obvious to me that my little scribe in Illuminators would have been trained early as a righty, even if she were naturally left-handed. Which meant her painting would probably be done left handed. All sorts of magical potential in that clockwise/counterclockwise sort of reversal.
Started writing on Illuminators again. I've been doing research on scribes and illuminated manuscripts and am fascinated with the way writing has changed through the years. The type of pen and the way we hold the pen and make strokes is completely different. Of course, pens were quills back then, that scribes cut themselves. They also made their own ink. Quill pens had to be held perpendicular to the page to get the best ink flow. So they held pens between the tip of their thumb and the top edge of the first two fingers, with the last two curled out of the way. The entire hand moved to make a stroke, rather than just the fingers. The hand never rested on the page, but hovered in midair. Which is why it is nearly impossible for us to reproduce exactly the scripts of medieval times. We no longer have developed the muscles to keep the hand steady and true. I attempted to learn modern calligraphy over the winter, but being a lefty provided more challenge than I wanted to overcome. Which made it obvious to me that my little scribe in Illuminators would have been trained early as a righty, even if she were naturally left-handed. Which meant her painting would probably be done left handed. All sorts of magical potential in that clockwise/counterclockwise sort of reversal.
Tuesday, May 06, 2008
Chapter 4 edited
Don't think I'm totally done with that one though. It might need a third and fourth draft to really work well. But for this draft, we'll mark it finished.
Can you hear the whistle blow?
Can you hear the whistle blow?
That's the sound of the annual Democratic Jefferson-Jackson Dinner chugging this way. The rails it is traveling on are twisted, buckled, just plain warped - yet through sheer tenacity this train is staying on the track. I wouldn't care - but I agreed to help with the program. Which has changed three times in the past 4 days as our first invited keynote speaker (the illustrious Mark Dann) has been asked to resign, our second would put everyone within a mile of the place to sleep, and the third (who is in the same class as the first, but without the proof) has not yet confirmed he'll come. Did I mention the dinner is Thursday evening? You wouldn't think with a pathetic turnout expected the organizer would want much with the program - but so far I have three bios, an extended list of speakers, 65 sponsors, 6 door prize offers, and many many lists of thank-yous. All for a folded 11 x 8.5 sheet of paper. And, really nothing about the program (except the sponsors) has been confirmed. And the only really responsible member of the banquet committee will be out of town as of tomorrow on business. I did mention the dinner is in three days, right? Still plenty of time for a spectacular wreck.
That's the sound of the annual Democratic Jefferson-Jackson Dinner chugging this way. The rails it is traveling on are twisted, buckled, just plain warped - yet through sheer tenacity this train is staying on the track. I wouldn't care - but I agreed to help with the program. Which has changed three times in the past 4 days as our first invited keynote speaker (the illustrious Mark Dann) has been asked to resign, our second would put everyone within a mile of the place to sleep, and the third (who is in the same class as the first, but without the proof) has not yet confirmed he'll come. Did I mention the dinner is Thursday evening? You wouldn't think with a pathetic turnout expected the organizer would want much with the program - but so far I have three bios, an extended list of speakers, 65 sponsors, 6 door prize offers, and many many lists of thank-yous. All for a folded 11 x 8.5 sheet of paper. And, really nothing about the program (except the sponsors) has been confirmed. And the only really responsible member of the banquet committee will be out of town as of tomorrow on business. I did mention the dinner is in three days, right? Still plenty of time for a spectacular wreck.
Thursday, May 01, 2008
I need a hero
I read in the Washington Post that Army Spc. Monica Brown received the silver star because she dove into live fire to save three men. Then she was pulled from her troop and sent back to base because she was female and laws prevent females in combat operations.
I read about Spc. Brown in the Post and I felt proud. No, it wasn't me doing the heroics, indeed I think I'd drop to the ground and quiver if someone shot at me. But reading about what she did, saving men's lives, covering them while mortar shells blew over head, helping to carry them to the truck and stabilizing them for evacuation - well I felt a surge. I felt like - if I chose I could do that. And it made me wonder if that is something women have been missing. The male role model varies extremely from person to person - but in any high stress situation, they can picture themselves as warriors. They have GI Joe hanging over their heads, and they, in their heart of hearts, think - I could do that. In the right situation, if I chose. But women have been the face that launched the ship, not the commander of the ship. How do you empower women if there are no powerful role models? Sure, there are leaders - intelligent women who hold high positions. But the human brain is more primitive than that. We look for heroes, not leaders, to force ourselves to be brave. And for thousands of years the female has been told that we are not brave, we don't have any choice, we don't have anyone to look to other than our heroic males. But things are changing. No, I don't want to go into combat. But Spc. Brown makes me want to charge out in front of a bus and save a child. She makes me want to be like her - in that primitive, inner monkey brain that craves a heroic figure to set my path.
I can see why dominant males want to prevent this. Military personnel are asking for change, want to be able to assign female medics to all male troops in combat sites. But the congressmen over them, the old male club, don't want it. Because heroes are dangerous things, hard to control. They make people want to be more than the roles assigned to them. And Republicans (and patriarchal figures, who sadly aren't just Republicans) are all about molds and set roles and knowing the place people want you to be in. But as women learn more about power, as they begin to take their true place in society - this will be harder and harder to control. In the '50s women sci. fi. writers changed their names to get published. Publishers didn't think women heroic fiction would sell. But it has - very briskly and now some of the best of the best in sci. fi. and fantasy are female, as women solve their craving for a heroic role model with the only women who are permitted to be heroic - characters in a future world (or fantasy world) in a place far, far away.
I read about Spc. Brown in the Post and I felt proud. No, it wasn't me doing the heroics, indeed I think I'd drop to the ground and quiver if someone shot at me. But reading about what she did, saving men's lives, covering them while mortar shells blew over head, helping to carry them to the truck and stabilizing them for evacuation - well I felt a surge. I felt like - if I chose I could do that. And it made me wonder if that is something women have been missing. The male role model varies extremely from person to person - but in any high stress situation, they can picture themselves as warriors. They have GI Joe hanging over their heads, and they, in their heart of hearts, think - I could do that. In the right situation, if I chose. But women have been the face that launched the ship, not the commander of the ship. How do you empower women if there are no powerful role models? Sure, there are leaders - intelligent women who hold high positions. But the human brain is more primitive than that. We look for heroes, not leaders, to force ourselves to be brave. And for thousands of years the female has been told that we are not brave, we don't have any choice, we don't have anyone to look to other than our heroic males. But things are changing. No, I don't want to go into combat. But Spc. Brown makes me want to charge out in front of a bus and save a child. She makes me want to be like her - in that primitive, inner monkey brain that craves a heroic figure to set my path.
I can see why dominant males want to prevent this. Military personnel are asking for change, want to be able to assign female medics to all male troops in combat sites. But the congressmen over them, the old male club, don't want it. Because heroes are dangerous things, hard to control. They make people want to be more than the roles assigned to them. And Republicans (and patriarchal figures, who sadly aren't just Republicans) are all about molds and set roles and knowing the place people want you to be in. But as women learn more about power, as they begin to take their true place in society - this will be harder and harder to control. In the '50s women sci. fi. writers changed their names to get published. Publishers didn't think women heroic fiction would sell. But it has - very briskly and now some of the best of the best in sci. fi. and fantasy are female, as women solve their craving for a heroic role model with the only women who are permitted to be heroic - characters in a future world (or fantasy world) in a place far, far away.
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