I am not in a comfortable place right now. I never wanted to be a small business owner, yet here I am, and I seem to be doing fine at it but it doesn't feel like me. I'm not sure exactly what is me these days, and I wonder if I'm going through a mid-life crisis or perhaps a spiritual awakening. Or perhaps one precedes or goes hand in hand with the other? I'm a writer who isn't writing, yet more. I'm a introvert who is teaching, yet more. I'm a studio owner who doesn't feel like the Studio is quite hers yet.
But I do know I need to start writing again, as that feels like a hole in my soul that needs filled. Perhaps not fiction, not right now. Perhaps just trying to get back at the center of what is needed to make me feel whole in the midst of this chaos and uncertainty that it feels like surrounds me. I've been reading a lot of Pema Chodron and she says "A teacher once told me that if I wanted lasting happiness the only way to get it was to step out of my cocoon." Okay then, emergence commenced, waiting to see what creature I become when the last of the silk has been parted.
Thursday, July 11, 2013
Friday, March 08, 2013
Embrace the Journey
Life has taken a strange turn. Studio Om has become a second home to me and in a lesser sort to Brian. I'm there for workshops, for classes I take, and for two classes that I teach. It is a wonderful refuge. On Saturday we learned that it would be going away. The owner needed a break, and to move onto other things in her life. I cried. It felt wrong, as though the heart were being removed from the Pataskala alternative community. Brian had suggested before that we might want to manage the studio. I felt that there was no way I could do the financial aspect. Brian said he would be financial manager, if I could do the running of the studio, the teaching, the scheduling. I agreed, we approached the owner and have been scrambling the past 5 days to set everything up before Spring quarter starts in three weeks. I am elated and scared and tired and cranky and enthusiastic and depressed, all in turns. I am sad the Studio will turn from a refuge to a responsibility for me. I am thrilled we can keep it open for the people who depend on it. I am scared with all the yoga studios opening in the area we will end up losing money. I am starting to get a vision of what I would like the studio to be as my studio and that is elating. And I'm still coming out of SAD - so the depression makes things even scarier. I hope this will be a grand time for us. I hope it will bring us together. It feels in my very center of my being like this is what we were meant to do -even if we lose money, even if it doesn't grow. This is what is needed right here and now and the torch is being passed to us, personally.
Anyway - I am experimenting with things like changing websites and this is a stab at putting the Om calendar on the website. Spring Quarter - starts April 1st and the grand adventure begins!
Anyway - I am experimenting with things like changing websites and this is a stab at putting the Om calendar on the website. Spring Quarter - starts April 1st and the grand adventure begins!
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