I think I've pinpointed why 2008 sucked so much for me. Loss of control.
2007 was a bewilderingly painful year for the Mr. and I - the sudden loss of his father, my grandfather within weeks of each other. His mother needing our summer. More deaths in the fall. 2007 seemed to spin our world apart and we needed to be able to retreat and see what the new pieces created.
2008 did not do that. From the beginning our vacation was taken by my family. No asking if this was a good year, no real choice - just you will be at this place, for this amount of time. What we really needed was a 10th year retreat with just the two of us - but between my family and his mother, there were no vacation days left. Free time was take by candidates I could not refuse. Mr. Ips decided to take up bicycling - another feeling of non-control as I worried I could not stop cars from hitting him. My bicycling on various bike paths ended badly as cats and people did shockingly stupid things I could not control and caused pain and damage to me. Then loss of control of my household for six weeks of MIL. And and entire political year of disappointment and frustration with not being able to control other voters (as first a Clinton supporter, then as a local politician supporter). Literally none of my candidates won - I am happy it is Obama rather than McCain - but Hillary was my woman. Then the financial meltdown with the rich again getting richer and the rest of us getting screwed. Then another death. And then the required holidays - I would have skipped even thinking about them if it were not for family obligations.
Some of this loss of control is my own inability to say no - but for much of it, the consequences of saying no were too far-reaching to justify grasping control.
So here we are at 2009. I said last year that 2008 would be my year. It didn't work out that way. But now I know what I need. And even if everything goes to hell in a handbasket - maybe I can at least eek out a few weeks or months where I can control the important aspects of life now that I understand how important it is to me.
Saturday, January 03, 2009
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1 comment:
2009 WILL be your year!
Much love.
Shdaow/J
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