Others can say or think whatever they want about you, good or bad, but only your thoughts will influence your emotions.
Ouch. Oh, oh this is a tough chapter for me. Just listen to this:
The price you pay for your addiction to praise is extreme vulnerability to others… The moment someone who is important to you expresses disapproval, you will crash painfully like the junkie who can no longer get any of his "stuff." Others will be able to use this vulnerability to manipulate you.
I like this part:
Did it ever occur to you that if someone disapproves of you it might be his or her problem? Disapproval often reflects other people's irrational beliefs… When you tremble in terror because someone dislikes you, you magnify the wisdom and knowledge that person possesses, and you have simultaneously sold yourself short as being unable to make sound judgments about yourself.
Another list:
1. Remember, when people disapprove of you it might be his or her irrational thinking.
2. You need not be destroyed if the criticism is valid. Learn from your mistakes - don't be ashamed of them. They are what make you human.
3. If you goof up don't label yourself a LOSER. Recognize the thousands of times you did right and have a sense of humor about the rare times you did wrong.
4. Other people cannot judge your worth as a human being, only the merit of specific things you do or say.
5. Everyone will judge you differently no matter how well you do or poorly you might behave. Disapproval cannot spread and one rejection cannot lead to a never-ending series of rejections. You will not end up alone because one person rejects you.
6. Disapproval and criticism are uncomfortable - but the discomfort will pass.
7. Disapproval and criticism can upset you only if you "buy into" the accusations being made.
8. Disapproval is rarely permanent.
9. If you are criticizing other people - it doesn't make that person totally bad.
Saturday, January 17, 2009
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