Was talking to my sister and she admitted that her husband hasn't spoke to her much in the past three or four months. He's going through one of his depression phases and gets angry at nothing - then stays angry for weeks, breaks her things, screams at her. She said it's okay, she can handle it - but that's why she's coming without him and that's why she's staying three weeks. The way she handles it reminds me of myself - I can certainly see that it is learned. When I'm most tense about something and people keep asking me about it I'll smile and say "It's okay, it'll be good, really." If they push, like on the MIL thing I'll keep smiling and say brightly "No idea how it'll work, but we'll handle it." Do it with my writing too - I get a lot of pushy people who think it is their business to know if I'll get published and how. And I smile brightly and try to convince the world that everything is perfect and I don't feel like I'm being stabbed by a thousand knives in my back and that no, I'm not holding back tears.
I also learned how unconvincing that mask is to people who actually love and know you. When I was talking to my Aunt about the MIL coming to live with us, she said "You're smiling - quit smiling. You don't have to smile for me." And I wanted my sister to stop saying it was okay and really talk about it. Because she didn't fool me - she really is hurting. But that's part of what we learned from Dad (and Mom, if I think about it) - no tears, be tough, power through it, don't show how you ever feel. Don' ever show a weakness, like being sick or being sad.
It was funny though, we were talking about the MIL coming and she said "the bad part is, because she's a widow you can't even talk about how awful it is that she's taking over your life -people think you're terrible if you do." and I had to smile and tell her about my snarky group of friends who haven't forced me, for even a minute, pretend this is going to be easy and that I have to be nice about it. My old christian friends would go on and on about what a blessing it will be, and charity and deny my feelings. My snarky friends understand that sinking feeling I got when I received my first mail from the MIL (a notice from the post office forwarding mail). Btw, I opened it and found out her mail is forwarded to us until October 1st. Looks like she is staying through September, as I suspected.
Friday, June 15, 2007
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1 comment:
your snarky friends are always here to catch you. and we can bring shovels to help you.
love,
shameless
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