Let's not bother.

"People with opinions just go around bothering one another" Buddha

I love that quote. It's one of my favorites. It goes to the heart of anger, of hating others, of fear. I am a person of strong opinions who is trying to move into being a person with strong beliefs. I'm not entirely certain of the difference between the two but as I move into belief I'm realizing it is about security with oneself, about confidence that transcends silly arguments, about compassion for others and about acceptance and nonattachment. It's the security of listening to other's opinions and saying "Ah," without being moved to anger because they are not my own. Of not needing or even wanting other's validation and being happy in my own skin. No anger, no envy, no insecurity. Isn't that a wonderful goal?

In that line of thought, I've realized blogging is nothing like me. I have no real interest in throwing opinions at people and I am a private enough person that I don't really believe my every day life is of interest to anyone but myself and a few choice individuals. I thought to blog my spiritual journey, but have found that as I move out of opinion and into belief it has become a private, personal journey. As someone moving through I have no perspective to give and what I am living is deeply private. Maybe someday I will be up farther on the mountain and will be able to look back below at the journey and piece it together for others. But, as I am now at the base - all I can do is look up at the snowy peaks and say "wow is there a long way to go. Better get started."

I am a writer, but a writer of fiction. Of novels. Long fiction, with many plots and characters and chapters which does not translate well to blog. I write for the love of plots, of characters and of manipulating the two. At the end of it, I hope there will be an audience that will love what I've done, but I didn't write it for applause, or validation, which is why I have such a hard time getting myself to send anything out to publishers, once all the writing fun is over. Sure it would really be nice to get some money out of all that work - but now I've got other characters and other plots banging on my brain waiting to get out. So I doubt I'll be blogging on this site much until I actually force myself to send something out and want to update people on where they can buy it and have to do the dreaded self-promotion stuff.

There's a story of a pupil who went to study with a Zen Master. He tried to meditate, but he hated the chores he had to do, the footsteps of the other pupils bothered him, the cars passing by bothered him, he didn't like the food. After a week of this his Master took him to task after a group meditation. "You struggle with everything," the Master told the student "How is it the food bothers you, the sounds bother you, the chores bother you, even your mind bothers you? Doesn't it seem odd? What I want to know is when you hear a car come by, does it really come in and bother you or are you going out to bother it? Who is bothering whom?" And that is the question I would leave you with - when words and deeds supposedly irritate and bother you, do they truly assault you or do you allow yourself to be assaulted by them because of your own insecurity? After all, people with opinions just go around bothering one another.