Thanksgiving went better than expected - we simply avoided any mention of Grandpa and avoided as much as possible thinking about what we were missing. Sometimes the best thing to do with a wound is to not poke it - to just let it heal to the point that the pain is tolerable.
I am angry about a fight over the weekend. Or rather, that a fight was picked with me over the weekend so that someone else could get what they wanted and I could get the blame. It is a cycle that has been repeated over and over with myself as the scapegoat and I think it no longer has a place in my life. It is hard to step away from a family member, even one who constantly bring up painful memories and failings from childhood (always in the name of being "funny" of course). It is hard to break the patterns of childhood, hard to interrupt the vicious cycle when one person wants to keep it going. Sometimes it is simply better to sever the relationship with the person, not letting them get close enough to induce their poison. I am miserable and hurt and angry, even a day after the event. It is tied with the hero worship I had as a kid, I'm sure. It is time to step away from a relationship that has spiraled into pain for me whenever we meet. I hold hope that in the future there will be a place where we can meet as adults and learn new ways of enjoying each other.
Sunday, November 25, 2007
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
Oh, K; I'm so sorry! I didn't realize your relationship with your brother had gotten that bad (how did you endure travelling with him?). Does it feel a little less painful today?
Just know that I understand how you feel and am here for you if you need me.
Much love,
Shadow/J
Uh oh... Gunthor want bacon
XO,
Shameless
Post a Comment