Representing the other side of the family, another speech I gave three years ago for my Grandma's funeral
For Grandma, Irene Niemoeller who passed away February 25, 2002
While at my Grandparents house the day after Grandma died, I picked up a book of poetry I’d given Grandma many years ago. Inside it, marking a page was a silly little letter I’d sent her probably in Jr. High School, about twenty years ago. It was one of those kid things, using the letters in GRANDMA to form nice sentences wishing her a Happy Birthday – but she kept it all those years.
And I thought to myself – My Grandma really loved me. She wasn’t just fond of me, she truly loved me as much as I loved her. Not perfectly, often gruffly with a rough concern that was part pushing away physically, part holding me close to her heart. She didn’t want me or anyone really to visit her when she was sick – but she still kept up with what I was doing, how I was; loving me from a distance. She loved all her family and even though we all have some regret – that we weren’t there when she died, that we didn’t realize how sick she was soon enough, that we didn’t make more time to visit – there is one thing we don’t have to regret. I have no doubt in my mind that Grandma knew we loved her. And that is pretty important, I think.
I came upon a poem Grandma had marked in her poetry book: A Thing of Beauty, by John Keats.
A thing of beauty is a joy for ever:
Its loveliness increases; it will never
Pass into nothingness; but still will keep
A bower quiet for us, and a sleep
Full of sweet dreams, and health, and quiet breathing.
Therefore, on every morrow, are we wreathing
A flowery band to bind us to the earth,
Spite of despondence, of the inhuman dearth
Of noble natures, of the gloomy days,
Of all the unhealthy and o’er-darkened ways
Made for our searching: yes, in spite of all,
Some shape of beauty moves away the pall
From our dark spirits.
My Grandma was a thing of beauty in my life, one that I never fully appreciated until I had to think about her loss. But even as I miss her terribly, I have to realize that she filled my life with other beautiful things that still remain. She gave me a Mother who loves deeply and an Aunt, Uncle and Grandfather who care so much. She connected us all into a very close family and those ties are still there – even though she is not. In this painful time of losing her, it is the skill she gave us of loving each other that gets us through. This, I think, is her most beautiful and lasting legacy.
Thursday, June 02, 2005
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